Losing a little hope

Once again, I have decided somehow, a way it would be cute if we started trying this month. The first fertile day would be January 1st. What a way to start off the year! However, I feel like I am losing hope. It now seems that we will be waiting until February. Brent started his own business and we have to wait to make sure everything works out ok. All that makes sense, but I just don't know what would prevent us from trying to conceive. Were still waiting on insurance, but we'll get that. I'm starting to lose hope because I'm afraid Brent's going to come up with something every month. I agree with wanting all our ducks in a row before we start trying, but not becoming too critical. Like I said, you can always come up with a reason for it to not be the right time. Brent knows I feel like this, and he tells me that's not the case, i just wish there was something he could do to get me to really understand. Maybe him setting the date that we start trying, or saying realistically once a,b,c, and d are done. Otherwise I feel like it just drags on. I'm just feeling a little sad I guess. I have so much to be thankful for but I just can't shake this sad feeling this week. It's not exactly a sad feeling, it's like I'm missing someone kind of. Not really jealousy, feeling like you can't wait for that, it's more I want my baby. I was in this sad mood earlier and then we went to Christmas and Brent's cousin and his wife have a 9 month old daughter. It made me feel happy but sad. I honestly can't explain it. Maybe it is just jealousy, I'm not sure. But I am pretty sure my mood and feelings can and probably will change in just a very short matter of time. For now I have to get my mind off this and think, or day dream about something else.